Lesson #12: "Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become"

Today I read this great comic made by "Zen Pencils" inspired  from Canadian astronaut Christ Hadfield's quote (http://zenpencils.com/comic/106-chris-hadfield-an-astronauts-advice/), and it was just what I needed.

These first two weeks of fieldwork have not been any easy. The work is physically and mentally exhausting. Many times I have felt like I have no idea what I'm doing or like the School didn't prepare me for this as I thought it would. I even felt like I gave up trying to do my best, and just started to be mediocre.  So, after seeing this quote, specially the part that said: "Look at who you want to be, and start sculpting yourself into that person.... Don't let life randomly kick you into the adult you don't want to become", I felt really inspired. It made me decide that I can't let the system make me become the kind professional that I have always disliked. I have to start sculpting myself into the kind of Occupational Therapist that I've always wanted to become.

 So today I started looking up more treatment ideas, and made little treatment plans for each of my patients next week (even though things can change depending of their health status). I think this would help me show more confidence in what I'm doing, and have the patients get the most out of the therapy sessions.


Wish me luck!

Lesson #11: You don't always get what you deserve.

This has been my "learned it the hard way lesson" of my semester. I know that many times throughout my life I have received many blessings that are much greater than what I deserve. But sadly, this thing works both ways. Sometimes in life, you can feel that you deserve better things than the ones that are coming your way. I have been feeling like this lately. I'm still blessed, and the problems I have are nothing compared to most people but still, I feel like I need to let it out.

What is bothering me the most is that some of my problems could have been avoided if someone else had decided to put me in a different situation. Somehow I felt betrayed because I thought that because I am good student, I don’t deserve to go through all the trouble they've put me through. Sometimes professors put good students in the worst situations because they think they will be able to manage it best. I think that if it isn't going to benefit the student in any way, this is just an unfair punishment.

Anyway, I know this doesn’t happen only in school, everyone has to go through unfairness in all life stages and scenarios.  What I’ve realized today is that if I want to be happy, I have to stop thinking that I deserve better and start moving forward with what I got.

Maybe God lets us go through this so we don’t get spoiled thinking we deserve it all. I have faith that He is hoping I learn important lessons from this, and that’s what I’m trying to do.

Lesson #10: Wars also destroy souls

Since I'm working with veterans as part of one of my rotations, I have been hearing a lot of war stories lately. I don't want to say much though, because I know it might be a sensitive topic.  I'm just going to say that after hearing first-hand what these people have gone through, I admire them just for being there working to get their life back together after a very de-humanizing experience. Even if their bodies are unharmed, their souls are wounded forever. "After this, I would never be able to be the same person", a man said to me after about half an hour of telling me his very detailed story. I didn’t know what to say, I couldn’t do nothing else but validate his feelings and give him my undivided attention. My respects to those that, having no other option, had to sacrifice their physical and mental wellbeing to support their families.

Lesson #9: It's ok to be goofy sometimes!

One thing I have learned through my OT classmates since the beginning is that it is ok to be goofy sometimes. My group is very creative, fun and we have been very close since the first days of OT school. Even though we are very different people, we share the same values and beliefs, which made us choose this profession.

 Ok, going back to the goofiness, Michael Iwama, the creator of the "Kawa Model" (https://www.facebook.com/KawaModel?fref=ts) made a Harlem Shake video with OT students from his program and challenged OT students from all over the world to a Harlem Shake showdown. At first as a group, we thought the Harlem Shake was lame and didn't want to participate until Iwama challenged us. But I got to say, even if it looks lame when you watch other Harlem Shakes, it is very fun to make one yourself! I have laughed so much watching it. Each time I see another of my classmates doing crazy things!

 I have learned that sometimes you have to let your pride aside and open yourself to have fun! Hey, if it’s fun and doesn't hurt anybody....why not?

Lesson #8: Our health care system is not fair.

This past semester I took a class about administration and management of occupational therapy services. Among other things, this class helped me confirm that what I believed about our health care system is true; it isn't fair. Occupational therapy is such a diverse profession, that we can almost always do something  to help the patients (even if it's just education or prevention).  The ugly truth is that the medical system (at least where I live) doesn't support bringing services to everyone who could benefit from them. I would say that only a few are the privileged ones who can pay, or their insurance pays, for occupational therapy services. Even if the services are covered, this coverage doesn't include prevention and health promotion interventions. So often, conditions that could have been prevented have to become serious in order to be allowed to receive the appropriate attention.  It's frustrating to know that there are solutions available to a large number of health conditions but must people don't have access to them.

As part of this administration and management class, my classmates and I participated in a health fair . We had to practice marketing skills by promoting our profession. I was showing people different devices that helped with daily living activities. When we were about to leave, a man with ALS came looking for something that could help him eat by himself. He was alone and looked desperate. He walked using a walker with wheels that he could barely push. He told us that he wasn't receiving any type of therapy, and since he only had the public health care insurance plan and no transportation, was looking for a therapist that accepted this insurance and that he could access by public transportation. His doctor never referred him to occupational therapy or told him about the assistive technology devices that he would soon need to accomplish daily tasks as a result of his condition. 

I don't know all the details in this case, or if what the patient told us is completely true. But still, it made me sad and angry at the same time to know that there were solutions to some of this man's problems, but he wasn't receiving them. Maybe because his lack of resources, the lack of the doctor's knowledge about occupational therapy, or a combination of the two. I know things like this happen all the time, but seeing it in person gives you a bigger impression. I  hope that someday everyone has the right to receive the best health care available for their situation.

This experience also made me think about how many health professionals ignore the benefits that OT could bring to people with progressive diseases. But I think I'll discuss this in the next post....

Lesson #7: Even if things are going to be bad anyway, they will always be better with a positive attitude and worse with a negative one.

Usually I'm not the positivist of the group. Maybe because I don't like to stop being realistic to think that everything will be alright and then get disappointed. But, one of the most important lessons I have learned through OT so far is that even though it is for sure that things are not going to be ok, being positive really helps. To go through a difficult situation will always be easier with a positive attitude and more complicated with a negative one.

A professor talked to us about his friend who had terminal cancer. Even though the doctors told him he just had a few months of life, he decided to take a positive attitude and to not give up. He knew that he would die from his cancer anyway, but chose to live his last days happy. He lived a lot more than the doctors predicted.

After that story I have been trying to remember this phrase when I tend to go back no my negative thoughts: "Even if things are going to be bad anyway, they will always be better with a positive attitude and worse with a negative one".  With each patient that I get to meet through my OT clasees, I confirm this affirmation. I have seen a patient with "complete damage" to the spinal cord at level C5-C6 stand up and walk, and a ALS patient write books and communicate by just moving  his eyes. In both cases their attitudes had been  key elements. I'm beginning to think  this profession would never stop surprising and teaching me.

Lesson #6: Perfectionism is irrational

So far, one of the courses I have learned the most about life is Occupational Dysfunction. Past semester we started talking about mental health. The first day the professor made an introduction activity in which we had to select a member of the group depending on the question he asked. When he asked who would you choose to assign a very important mission and why?, I selected one of my classmates because I thought she was very responsible and perfectionist. Right away the professor told me that being perfectionist wasn't a good thing and that it was an "irrational thought".  He said that when you try to always be perfect you are never satisfied, because nothing people do is completely perfect.

 That got me thinking. I always knew that it was impossible to always be perfect but have never thought of it as an "irrational thought" or something that could lead people to mental illness. That doesn't mean that you have to lower your expectations or your standards on your own work. I believe that people should always try their best. It just means that we shouldn't give ourselves such a hard time when we make a mistake or when things don't go as we planned. Knowing this will help me become more aware of my future clients behaviors and abilities to manage non-perfect situations.

Lesson# 5: The world is sensational!

July 14, 2012.

Learning about the diferrent ways in wich people process the sensory information they recieve every day changed my way of seeing others. I spent a while classifying everyone into "seekers", "bystanders", "avoiders" or "sensory sensitive". Although there are different theories about sensory processing, the thing that surprised me the most is the big difference that can exist between the reactions of two individuals upon receiving the same stimulus. Some can enjoy the feeling of  sand in their feet, of a very colorful room, or strong smells and flavors; while others might not even bear them.

Learning about this helped me understand better the people around me and myself. Although I scored "normal" in the sensory profile I discovered that for a lot of things I am an "avoider" and for others a "bystander". (If you have no idea of what I'm taking about, I recommend the book by Winnie Dunn: "Living Sensationally" in which she explains this in a way that anyone can understand). This topic is very broad and it goes from cell biology and neuroscience, to individualized sensory diets. However, I think the most important thing I have learned until now about the topic is that sensations and how we process them have a lot to do with our behavior and that we have to learn to have respect for those who process them differently. They are not picky or capricious, they just feel the world in a different way!

Lesson #4: Occupation = Meaning

June 18, 2012. 

Occupations have the meaning that the individual and the culture give to them. What for me can be an insignificant thing, for someone else can have a lot of value. I think this can better understood through this story a professor told us:

There was a mother that every single day had to bathe her daughter since, because of her condition, she couldn't do it herself. The OT was looking for alternatives so the girl could bathe independently and in that way alleviate the mother of one more responsibility.  But, the mother didn't want to stop bathing her daughter since for her that was the only moment of  special bonding and tranquility that they could spend together.

Since I started to understand this, I began to value more the activities that for me seem insignificant, but for others may mean their moment of peace, happiness,  release of stress or even give them life meaning. You can't be an Occupational Therapist if you don't value occupations! But, the best thing about it is that it doesn't only help you understand better you clients, it helps you understand better everyone around you :).

Lesson #3: Accepting your mistakes in public helps you grow

June 6, 2012.

At the beginning of this blog, I wanted to write the lessons in the same order I had learned them. But the truth is that it is a little difficult. I have a notebook with the titles of the lessons I want to write about in order, but sometimes (like right now) I feel more inspired to write about something more recent. Here it goes:

It is very difficult for me to accept my own mistakes. Not so much to myself as to others. Probably because of pride, fear of feeling humiliated and inferior or simply because of shame.  A lot of times we fear being judged or criticized for our mistakes. But, with time I have learned that accepting my mistakes in public is liberating. There will always be who will want to humiliate you and who will be glad that you made a mistake, but today I am convinced that accepting that I'm wrong doesn't make me inferior to others, it only shows, that as a person, I know how to grow.

Lesson #2: We are not here to judge, we are here to help.

May 9, 2012.

I started to learn about this since my first days of classes when our professors began explaining to us that we couldn't judge families since each worked in its own unique way and that it is very difficult to understand the circumstances unless you are living in them. But, it wasn't until a couple of days ago that I heard this summarized in the phrase: "We are not here to judge, we are here to help". This lesson was more significant to me during the Active Learning class, when we had a case about domestic violence. I was one of those who couldn't understand how a woman (or a man) could bear being with someone violent. I didn't understand how she could allow to be treated that way, why she wouldn't just leave? In this last case of the semester we watched a series of videos called "4 lives" in which various stories of domestic violence were presented. The one that impressed me the most was about an old couple in which the husband manipulated her wife by harming the lovebirds that she loved so much.

 I never thought how much OT could do for this battered women. I thought that my role ended in identifying the situations and informing the relevant authorities. But I'm happy to know that we can do much more; like helping them prepare an escape plan, develop the skills needed to become economically independent, money and home management, parenting skills, and more.

I always imagined that it would be difficult getting out of a violence cycle once you were in, but it wasn't until I got into those four lives that I could understand the specific reasons why getting out doesn't seem like an option. If right now I were in a situation like that, I don't know if I would have the courage to escape. Getting out means leaving everything behind, being in the uncertainty, thinking about him finding you to kill you; knowing that the protection order is just a paper and not a fort.  Without mentioning what would happen to the kids, would he kill them to?, would he take them away? Leaving means starting from scratch without knowing where to go.  It means to be free, but with a low self esteem and no apparent skills. 

I think that, as humans beings, our heads will always be going around  getting into hasty conclusions. But I also think that it is possible to get used to think like the saying in my town: "nobody knows what is in the pot, except for the one who stirs it". Only that way, we can learn  to admire the courage and resilience of others, and be always ready to help instead of judge.

Lesson # 1: Go back to yourself

My first reading assigned as an OT student was “Basic Awareness of Self” from Carol M. Davis. As I mentioned before, my previous studies had been in Biomedical Sciences and although I learned a lot, self-awareness wasn't one of the topics in the syllabus. In my years of High School, I did  read a lot about those topics since I enjoyed self'-help and Christian books which helped me get to know myself better and get out successfully of that identity crisis that all adolescents go through. However, self-reflection was something I had neglected while submerged in carbon molecules, cells and their receptors. Talking again about those topics was like dusting off an old book.

 I remember that the reading talked about the persona, the ego, the shadow and the self. It said that the persona was that mask that we put for society, the ego was what told us what was right and what was wrong and kept our feet on the ground; although sometimes the reality that the ego told us about ourselves was distortional and made us believe we were better or worse based on what people said. The shadow was the part that no one knew about us, and that sometimes came out unexpectedly.  Finally, the self, that was what made us unique (God, for others the "energy" within us, the connection with truth) lied beneath all those layers and it would only come out once we learn to accept ourselves just the way we are.The author tells us that since we are born, we have that connection with our true self, but when we start learning the rules of society, we start becoming more like others want us to be than what we really are. We act in the way that we think will bring us love and recognition, but deeply we know that the persona is only a mask.

I think it's important to follow the rules of society to be able to interact successfully with other people but, at the same time, I think that unconsciously we care too much about what others think about us.  That first day of class I learned (and I'm still trying to apply it to my life) that I shouldn't hide my personality or my opinions to please others. I need to worry about accepting myself first. Only that way, when I learn to respect my true self, the rest will do the same. All this relates to Occupational Therapy because only from the true self is that we can give the best care to our patients. If we live from the outside, we can take the risk of using our patients to satisfy our personals need for love and recognition, which is not ok.

“We all have the desire to be recognized  by what we are,  not by what we think others want us to be. Free from the need to be right, and the fear to be wrong"

-Carol M. Davis
 

The reading warns us that achieving this takes hard work, suffering and compromise. However, starting this journey also lifts a weight out of your shoulders. Thanks to that reflection, I have started to realize that if someone treats me badly, or doesn't accept me, it's probably not my fault.  Maybe that person is living from her/his outer emotions instead of living from her/his true self. The same thing happens when I have a hard time accepting someone else's personality. Now I can analyze if the real problem is my attitude that needs to change. It's difficult to apply this to everyday life, because our ego constantly tells us who we are based on the critics or compliments we get from others. I think that getting to the real self is an effort that lasts a lifetime. The important thing is: it's worth it.